Losing a loved one: Common questions we all face

Coping with the loss of a loved one is both emotionally and physically taxing. As you try to make sense of your new reality, you might struggle with sleep, find it hard to concentrate, or neglect daily responsibilities. It’s natural to have many questions about life and the future during this time. Remember, you’re not alone in your grief – if you have a dedicated Catholic Church, consider meeting with your Reverend or scheduling a Pastoral Consultation.

These questions are not only common but can also be part of a healthy grieving process. Take a moment to breathe and consider these shared concerns that often arise after a loss.

Why did this happen?

After a loss, it’s normal to search for reasons and sometimes even blame yourself. However, this can make the pain harder to bear. If you find yourself fixating on the reason, try to shift your focus to the lessons you learned from your loved one, along with the moments you shared – these are moments that can never be taken away. Reflect on the joy they brought into your life, and try to honor the relationship you had with them.

While there is no answer to the question of, “Why did this happen?”, it may help to consider the words of the Holy Father. Speaking of the afflicted woman who braved a crowd to touch Jesus, Pope Leo has said, “Dear brothers and sisters, in life there are moments of disappointment and discouragement, and there is also the experience of death. Let us learn from that woman, from that father: let us go to Jesus. He can heal us, he can revive us. Jesus is our hope!”

When will I feel better? Will I ever feel better?

Everyone grieves differently, and there is no timeline for healing. Try not to compare your journey to that of others who seem to have moved on. Allow yourself, and your loved ones, to feel the range of your emotions, and seek out conversations with your loved ones, professionals, and local priest.

Why is no one comforting me?

You might notice that some friends, coworkers, or even family members seem distant after your loss. This doesn’t mean they don’t care; many people simply don’t know how to offer comfort, or they may be unsure of how you would like to be approached. Reach out and let them know how you feel. If there are specific ways they can help, don’t hesitate to ask.

Why am I not crying? Shouldn’t I feel sad?

It’s okay if you’re not crying or if you don’t feel as sad as you expected. Grief manifests differently for everyone. If a loved one was ill, some people emotionally prepared for this loss for a length of time without realizing it. Grief can also reveal itself later in unexpected ways. Give yourself the space to mourn in your own way and at your own pace; if you feel concerned about how you’re feeling, be sure to consult with a grief professional.

What happens next?

The loss of a loved one can feel overwhelming, leaving you uncertain about what comes next. Understand that things will be different, but you will get through it. Break tasks down into small, manageable steps. Talk with friends and family about your concerns – sharing your worries can make them feel less daunting. Take each day one step at a time.

How do I handle funeral plans, legal issues, and tax matters?

Practical concerns can add to the stress of grieving. A funeral home can guide you through the planning process, and an Archdiocese of Philadelphia Catholic Cemetery can help you lay your loved one to rest.

It’s also wise to consult with the legal representative who managed your loved one’s estate. For tax-related questions, AARP.org offers helpful information. If you’re unsure about something, ask questions, and discuss any major financial or property decisions with trusted friends and family.

Finding answers in a confusing time

These questions rarely have simple answers; it’s just another layer of difficult experiences. However, they are a normal part of grieving. Talking about your feelings can be the first step toward managing your grief. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. Taking care of yourself is essential during this difficult time.

A few resources you may find helpful: